WHATEVER WORKS, WATERWORKS

So, here’s the deal. Every year we schedule a friendly against the WaterWorks Restaurant, which might actually be Water Works, or might be Waterworks. It’s the restaurant on Kelly Drive right near the Art Museum and if anyone ever went there, then we’d probably know the proper name of the joint.
Mostly, it’s a dinner spot for Uncle Leo’s 90th birthday party, or a wedding reception location picked out by some bride who hates her father. Everyone eats the chicken parm and goes home. Craig LaBan, the Barefoot Pirate, went there not too long ago and wrote a review that was not entirely complimentary. And didn’t even mention the softball team.
Anyway, we schedule this game because Tom Brennan, brother of our own general manager, Chris Brennan, works at the restaurant and the two of them like to have something to fight over during Thanksgiving dinner aside from the last remaining turkey leg. In the past, both have emerged bloody and filthy from these softball games. They are blood brothers, but not all of it is good apparently.
Nevertheless, we play every year. I believe this was the fourth year and we remain undefeated, having won again on Monday night at Edgeley 8 by a score of 13-2 that does not properly reflect the ass-kicking we imparted.
The most notable aspect of this year’s affair – actually there were several, but we’ll get to them – was that Tom didn’t bother to attend the game. “He went to the shore,” Chris reported, having gotten this information from someone else on the Wawaworks team. “I guess that’s why he didn’t answer any of my phone calls today.”
Not entirely sure what to make of that. It’s kind of like throwing a party for someone who decides, “Ah, I’ll go to Home Depot instead.” I mean, we set up the date of the fucking game a month ago. It’s not like they just opened Long Beach Island last week.
Also notable was that the Management guessed wrong on the field, and we had to move from Dairy 4 and the Plague of a 1,000 Soccer Players to Edgeley 8, which was populated only by an equal number of Canada geese and their slimy green reminders. Everyone finally got the word and we did, in fact, play a softball game.
Our side straggled in just after the start, augmenting our rolling batting order until we had 16 in the lineup, which made scorekeeping difficult for Danny, particularly since the Management was much more concerned about grilled pork byproducts and the thing basically went into disarray.
I know that Steve Lynch hit a bomb, Brian Donlen had three or four hits, as did Mike Galan and Brennan. Marcus Hayes had a bomb, too, as did Mark Nevins, and Jon Snyder rocketed a triple down the left field line (more on that later). In fact, as I look at the scoresheet – which is kind of jumbled – I think everyone reached safely. For posterity, the batting order was: DiNardo, Snyder, O’Connor, Krause, Lynch, Donlen, Galan, Kenney, Brennan, Cascarella, Ford (until the grill heated up), Dugan, Clark, Nevins, Hayes, Matheson.
Amazingly enough, we still batted around four times, with the highlight a six-run second inning in which Dugan had the big RBI hit with two outs. Other than that, individual highlights are a little difficult to decipher. B.J. Clark made a nifty pirouette to avoid a routine ground ball at third base. Nevins and Hayes shut the door on the mound in relief of the Management.
Now, for the other side. Here’s the AguaObras lineup as recorded by Danny: Black Bandana, Green Calvary, White Network, College, Brunette, Yellow PSSC, Pitcher, CCCP, Black T, Phillies Shirt, Beige, Yellow, Gray. We had very little issue with most of the players – and were particularly fond of Yellow and Beige – but Yellow PSSC yapped about some dumb stuff, probably because he kept popping out all game was upset, understandably, because this was a very important game, and then didn’t shake hands afterward and stomped to his car right away. And you wonder why the place doesn’t get Three Bells. He’d probably be in a worse mood if we told him they were trounced by a team that kind of sucks in its league.
I suppose we’ll do this again next year. The hot dogs were good (reach back, pat vigorously), even if Brennan hasn’t paid for them yet. We had fun, and we’re above .500 on the season now. We’ll try to keep our heads above water when we play what will probably be our final friendly of the season against Kerry’s gay friends. That one hasn’t been scheduled yet. Get your running in and stay ready.