NEW LIZ ON LIFE

In exciting roster news, the Pen & Pencil Club softball front office has succeeded in replacing the unfortunate defection of Dr. Liz Higgins for the coming 2012 Center City Softball League season.
Please welcome Liz Gabor to the team. As you know, much of the delay in the search was to, in fact, find another "Liz" because the general manager insisted we could not spring for a new team beer cozy with some other name on it.
New Liz works at the Philadelphia Industrial Development Corporation (and plays for the PIDC softball team) and also finds time to work about three soccer leagues into her busy schedule. Liz did her drinking practice at Fordham University and in grad school at Penn. She will fit in nicely.
Liz has been signed to a one-year, free agent contract. She will wear No. 10 and play anywhere she damn pleases. Join me in extending a laurel and hearty handshake upon her arrival.

PARTY HATS AND SUCH

There was a good turnout for the surprise party/roast at the club thrown on Wednesday night in honor of Dan Kenney, our faithful club manager and bartender who is celebrating his 21st year with the Pen & Pencil.
Among the team luminaries on hand, were general manager Chris Brennan, wearing both his club president hat and a perfect Manhattan most of the night, Mike Galan, Tom DiNardo, Ron Goldwyn, Ellen Kenney (natch), Kathy Matheson, Kerry O’Connor, Brian Donlen, B.J. Clark and Tom Hickey. (Oh, yeah. He showed up for this.) The Management was also there and said a few complimentary things about Dan and uncomplimentary things about our fine team, none of which Danny heard even with the amplifier on, but nevertheless. A good time.
In other club news, our own Julie Dugan was quoted in this ESPN.com article about the positives of wearing a skirt as part of a team uniform. I don’t know how the writer got her name, but there she was. (Come to think of it, I’m not sure how the writer got my name, but that’s another story entirely.)
This got me to thinking and, yes, we will all be wearing skirts next season. New hats, too, and Julie is modeling one of them in the photo.
Lastly, the annual team party is still in the planning stages, according to Brennan. It will not be a surprise and there will be no speeches. Brennan is still promising surf and turf, though, and he’s a journalist, so you can trust him.

DOGS, CHILDREN AND SWALLOWS

The Pen & Pencil Club officially concluded its on-field endeavors Oct. 15 with a season-ending friendly against the Valanni Swallows, and let's just go ahead and get the bad jokes out of the way right now: We sucked.
Not that there was anything wrong with that. It was a beautiful day on Edgeley 8 and no one ran into the soccer goals in left field or behind first base. A few weeks have passed, so I'm not even terribly sure of the final score. I think it was something like 19-7. We played nine innings and could have played 90, but we weren't going to do much better. The Swallows are a very capable team, even if they do play in another league, and fortunately everyone was out for a good time.
We did win the beer sweepstakes, I believe, and finish the season almost undefeated in that category. It might be that we never matched the 16-ounce Pabst consumption of Franklin Institute, but we had loftier goals. During the Valanni friendly, we went through at least two cases of beer and that was an accomplishment since it was damn chilly by the end and, since it was an afternoon game, there was no option for peeing in the postgame darkness.
The details of the game are a bit hazy. Our highlight, without question, was a triple over the left fielder's head by Ron Goldwyn, who immediately announced his retirement. We should all go out with such a hit, although I think he'll rethink it over the winter.
Next up for us, according to general manager Chris Brennan is the fabulous 3rd annual Pen & Pencil Softball Party! It will be held at the refurbished club and, according to Chris now, it looks like a lobster and tenderloin night, considering our dramatic improvement this season. I said we'd be happy with a less sumptious spread, but he's insisting. Who are we to argue?
The date for the P&PSP is still being determined. Chris has been in contact with the Maine Lobstermen's Association to see when the best catch will be available.
Stay tuned for more information and make sure to get yourself a bib.

WHATEVER WORKS, WATERWORKS

So, here’s the deal. Every year we schedule a friendly against the WaterWorks Restaurant, which might actually be Water Works, or might be Waterworks. It’s the restaurant on Kelly Drive right near the Art Museum and if anyone ever went there, then we’d probably know the proper name of the joint.
Mostly, it’s a dinner spot for Uncle Leo’s 90th birthday party, or a wedding reception location picked out by some bride who hates her father. Everyone eats the chicken parm and goes home. Craig LaBan, the Barefoot Pirate, went there not too long ago and wrote a review that was not entirely complimentary. And didn’t even mention the softball team.
Anyway, we schedule this game because Tom Brennan, brother of our own general manager, Chris Brennan, works at the restaurant and the two of them like to have something to fight over during Thanksgiving dinner aside from the last remaining turkey leg. In the past, both have emerged bloody and filthy from these softball games. They are blood brothers, but not all of it is good apparently.
Nevertheless, we play every year. I believe this was the fourth year and we remain undefeated, having won again on Monday night at Edgeley 8 by a score of 13-2 that does not properly reflect the ass-kicking we imparted.
The most notable aspect of this year’s affair – actually there were several, but we’ll get to them – was that Tom didn’t bother to attend the game. “He went to the shore,” Chris reported, having gotten this information from someone else on the Wawaworks team. “I guess that’s why he didn’t answer any of my phone calls today.”
Not entirely sure what to make of that. It’s kind of like throwing a party for someone who decides, “Ah, I’ll go to Home Depot instead.” I mean, we set up the date of the fucking game a month ago. It’s not like they just opened Long Beach Island last week.
Also notable was that the Management guessed wrong on the field, and we had to move from Dairy 4 and the Plague of a 1,000 Soccer Players to Edgeley 8, which was populated only by an equal number of Canada geese and their slimy green reminders. Everyone finally got the word and we did, in fact, play a softball game.
Our side straggled in just after the start, augmenting our rolling batting order until we had 16 in the lineup, which made scorekeeping difficult for Danny, particularly since the Management was much more concerned about grilled pork byproducts and the thing basically went into disarray.
I know that Steve Lynch hit a bomb, Brian Donlen had three or four hits, as did Mike Galan and Brennan. Marcus Hayes had a bomb, too, as did Mark Nevins, and Jon Snyder rocketed a triple down the left field line (more on that later). In fact, as I look at the scoresheet – which is kind of jumbled – I think everyone reached safely. For posterity, the batting order was: DiNardo, Snyder, O’Connor, Krause, Lynch, Donlen, Galan, Kenney, Brennan, Cascarella, Ford (until the grill heated up), Dugan, Clark, Nevins, Hayes, Matheson.
Amazingly enough, we still batted around four times, with the highlight a six-run second inning in which Dugan had the big RBI hit with two outs. Other than that, individual highlights are a little difficult to decipher. B.J. Clark made a nifty pirouette to avoid a routine ground ball at third base. Nevins and Hayes shut the door on the mound in relief of the Management.
Now, for the other side. Here’s the AguaObras lineup as recorded by Danny: Black Bandana, Green Calvary, White Network, College, Brunette, Yellow PSSC, Pitcher, CCCP, Black T, Phillies Shirt, Beige, Yellow, Gray. We had very little issue with most of the players – and were particularly fond of Yellow and Beige – but Yellow PSSC yapped about some dumb stuff, probably because he kept popping out all game was upset, understandably, because this was a very important game, and then didn’t shake hands afterward and stomped to his car right away. And you wonder why the place doesn’t get Three Bells. He’d probably be in a worse mood if we told him they were trounced by a team that kind of sucks in its league.
I suppose we’ll do this again next year. The hot dogs were good (reach back, pat vigorously), even if Brennan hasn’t paid for them yet. We had fun, and we’re above .500 on the season now. We’ll try to keep our heads above water when we play what will probably be our final friendly of the season against Kerry’s gay friends. That one hasn’t been scheduled yet. Get your running in and stay ready.

DAN SAID NO!

Still not sure I understand why, but Dan McElhatton refused to be part of the Pen & Pencil photo from the Aug. 2 Center City Softball League's All-Star Game. He was there. He still hasn't shaved. But no photos. Well, whatever.
A number of real and imagined All-Stars showed up to represent the Fighting Red Inks of the P&P at the CCSL's annual All-Star Game. Ron was there for a while, but left to scarf up free food elsewhere, no doubt, so no photo for him, either.
Good time for all. Our side won decisively, with Pen & Pencil participation making the big difference. At least, that's how I kept score.
Hickey was there with the girlfriend. B.J., also with the girlfriend. Are they trying to drive them away? Here's a good time, honey. Let's go to Edgeley 8 and watch drunks play softball. Whatever.
The season is officially done now, but we are still going to schedule a friendly vs. Brennan's brother's team, the restauant guys who won't bring any food. And we're going to also schedule a game against the gay team that likes Kerry. Wouldn't be right otherwise.
Those might be September. We'll see. Many emails between then and now.

ALL-STAR GAME!!!!

It's almost All-Star Game time. The annual CCSL celebration of cookout/snacks/beer combined with at least a little softball will be held Tuesday, Aug. 2, starting around 6 p.m. at Edgeley 8. This is our league-wide party and it's a great time.
I lost the email that tells us which three teams are our teammates for the night. Doesn't really matter. The lines get blurry by the end of the evening.
Our official All-Stars for the game -- expected to arrive in full team kit, with their gloves -- are Brian Donlen, Mark Nevins, George Miller, Steve Lynch and Julia Dugan. Congratuations to them. It was a tough call by the committee, but I think you'll agree that all are worthy representatives.
That said, the tradition of the CCSL All-Star Game is that anyone who shows up and wants to play usually plays. I seem to remember Ron getting something like six at-bats last year.
Anyway, hope to see as many of you as possible there. The league provides the food stuff. We bring the beverages. The team cooler will be there, but if you want to augment the supplies, that would be recommended. Otherwise, we'll have to drink the Franklin's PBRs.
Stay tuned for updates on friendlies vs the Waterworks and Kerry's gay buddies. We may be finished, but we're never done.

TIME TO PUT THIS ONE OUT OF ITS MISERY

Yes, that’s our own Dr. Elizabeth Higgins, operating on what appears to be some sort of large, unconscious mammal -- probably an outfielder from the Tap Room.
Lizzy left us this season to pursue her life’s work, which apparently doesn’t include gamboling about Fairmount Park in spandex tights. More the pity.
That’s was the toughest loss of the season, but, alas, not the only one. The Red Inks of the Pen & Pencil Club, freshly attired in the spiffiest kit that the bouncing checks of Chris Brennan could buy, finished the season dead level in the Center City Softball League. Seven win, seven losses. Finished fifth, just missed the playoffs. Oh, well.
It is time for reflection as The Management comes to the end of his five-year contract, not knowing whether to hope for an extension. We improved this season from a rather dismal 5-9 showing in 2010 and could have had a much better record with a couple of small breaks here and there.
In the five-year Management term, the team is 34-36 in the regular season. Had we eked out the final win of the season against the Collar (a tedious 15-14 loss), then we’d be exactly .500 over that span. So, it appears that might be who we are in this league. Much better than some teams, but not willing to pack the roster like some others who desperately need to emerge winners in a co-ed, beer-on-the-field, no-umpire softball league. I kind of like who we are and who we have, even Nevins most of the time.
You can glance over to the right and read the season’s results as well as I can, but that stretch of six games that began with the fourth game of the season against Art was some of the best softball we’ve ever played – and we went 2-4. Three of the losses were in extra innings, two to the Tap Room, one to the Art Museum. We also beat the Art in extras during this stretch.
Not to bring back too many painful reminders, but in the first loss to the Tap, we scored twice in the sixth to tie the game and left the go-ahead run in scoring position. We get that run home and we win. Against the Art, they tied the game in the seventh on a phantom tag-up at third base that never happened. Against the Tap again, we had a lead in the top of the seventh and needed just three outs to win. Didn’t get them, and we put the winning run on third base with two outs in the bottom of the inning and didn’t get it home.
If we get those games, we’ve got a 10-4 season. Of course, if pigs had wings our windshields would be a lot messier.
Instead we go 7-7 and just miss the playoffs, finishing right behind the Collar. They held their own in the playoff semifinal against the Tap, losing 10-8 and felt pretty good about their season, except for Spence who probably hurt himself again. I think we could have done the same thing given the chance, and perhaps more. That’s why they make a next year, one supposes.
That brings us to the awards portion of our program, the annual announcement of the coveted PeePees. A small, tasteful drumroll, please.
THE TOM HICKEY MEMORIAL ATTENDANCE AWARD – Yes, it’s Hickey again, a clear winner in the voting. He actually made it to two games this season, doubling his 2010 attendance. Quite an effort from the big guy and we appreciate it.
THE PATTY POPLOWSKI PLAYING HURT AWARD – This one was close, but it goes to Brian Donlen, mostly because he came right out of the gate this season and got hurt in the opening game just to show he meant business. He managed to fall over first base in the lid lifter against Fleisher, and that set the tone for the year. Honorable mention to Dan Rubin, who got a cortisone shot in his left arm so he could throw, played first base all season in excruciating numbness and, as far as I can remember, never once had to throw a ball.
THE BAND OF BROTHERS AWARD – To Kerry O’Connor and Steve Lynch, for wearing their P&P hats rather than their B and NY hats, which are really annoying for the rest of us. Next season, we’re going to work on the accents.
THE ANSEL ADAMS DOCUMENTARY AWARD -- To Jon Snyder for his tireless photographic record of the season, in between exceptionally good play in the field and at the plate. This blog would not be the award-winning enterprise it has become without his work. Particular kudos for the motor-drive capture of that Bishop’s Collar runner taking out Sheila Ballen at second base. Also, for coming through when he received this e-mail request: “I need a picture of a hoagie that looks like a penis, or vice versa.”
THE GOLDEN SPIKES AWARD – B.J. Clark, naturally. He tore up little Al’s shoe rounding second base against the Tap. Hey, if they made rubber cleats in his size, he’d wear those instead.
THE DEATH BEFORE DISCOLOR AWARD – Julie Dugan, who, instructed to slide as she approached third base on a close play, responded (while still running), “That’s not happening. I’ve got three more weddings this summer.”
THE ONCE I WAS LOST, NOW I AM FOUND AWARD: Lynch’s glove, on several occasions.
THE I’LL JUST COACH THIRD AND GROWL AT THEM AWARD: Dan McElhatton, who did just that much of the time, and started scaring even us. It was probably the beard.
THE ROOKIE OF THE YEAR AWARD: Russ Krause, for his dependable hitting, very good outfield play and, most of all, because he was the only one.
THE RON GOLDWYN SCOREKEEPING AWARD: Ron Goldwyn, who not only keeps an impeccable book, but often brings helpful information to The Management, like: “It might be a good idea to get a couple of runs here.”
THE UPHILL CLIMB AWARD: To Mike Galan on the steep slope of Dairy 2 when he attempted to carry a full chest cooler of beer, ice and water while wearing earth shoe sandals or some such thing. Mike went down, but the beer stayed inside the cooler. Yes!
THE GEORGE MILLER FOUL BALL AWARD: Miller, 167 this season, breaking his own record of 143. He’s going to have his work cut out for him next season.
THE FIELDING GEM OF THE SEASON AWARD: Might have to take a poll on this one. First, we’ve got that unassisted double play against the Tap when Brennan backhanded an absolute laser to first base then dived headlong onto the base to double off the runner. That had style points. Then there was the DP started by Marcus Hayes that saved the game against Art Museum. A liner off the Management’s glove that Hayes caught in the air at short and gunned to Brennan to double off someone who really shouldn’t have been running at all. I think there was a third candidate, but I can’t remember it. Someone in the outfield must have caught a ball at some point. Whatever.
All right. That’s enough. It was a fun year with a lot of good games and, fortunately for us, that’s pretty much what we do every season and will probably do again in 2012. Yikes.
We still plan to play a friendly or two in August when we get our act together, and don’t forget the Tuesday, Aug. 2 CCSL All-Star Game and cookout. Everyone is invited. It’s a great time. Lots of food provided by the league. We’ll have the team coolers there, but you probably want to bring some beer, too. The selection committee is still working on our official representatives, but the rule is that if you want to play, wear your shirt, bring your glove and just sort of walk out on the field. Everyone plays.