In honor of the 61st anniversary of the release of “Rashomon,” the story of Tuesday’s game, a second consecutive extra-inning loss, will be told through the eyes of five different observers. Perspective is everything, folks.
JACKSON NEVINS
I’ve been to a total of two softball games in my life, Tuesday’s game against the South Philly Tap Room being my second, so I don’t have a lot of context for this observation, but that game seemed really annoying.
I’m told that this has happened before. Victory, dangling every so temptingly in front of you like those annoying mobiles people keep putting on my crib. It’s right there for you to grab, and yet it eludes you.
My impression: the P&P Softballing Club needs to learn to close it out.
I ask you to consider the words of Alec Baldwin in the terrific Glengarry Glen Ross and remember the ABCs of softball: A - Always, B - Be, C- Closing. Always be closing. Coffee, as they say, is for closers and, right now, friends, this is not a team of closers. No coffee for you. Or for me because it will stunt my growth.
Fortunately, Yuengling and Miller Lite are for the moderately gifted and the actively disengaged, so there’s a silver lining.
You started strong with three runs in the top of the first, but the SPTR came back with four of their own in the bottom half, three of which came off of a tater by that Jeremy fellow. Something about him made me want to fart, so I did and I think it might have been a little wet. Anyway, from there it was a low-scoring affair. A run here and a run there ending up with the P&P down 7-5 heading into the top of the sixth.
Some good hitting from the heart of the lineup in the top of the sixth led to two runs from Good Guys and we had a tie ballgame. Very exciting. You closed out the Bad Guys in the bottom of the inning 1-2-3 and I responded with sounds that I can only assume were correctly interpreted as cheering.
On to extra innings we went.
In the top of the 8th, BJ Clark led off with a single. A promising beginning with Russ at the plate and the top of the order coming up. Sadly, Russ hit a sharp ground ball up the middle that was inexplicably snagged by Al, the oft-injured SPTR SS, which he turned into a 6-3 double play that required a backhanded pick by the SPTR 1B. It made me shit myself. Literally.
Jon Snyder closed the top with a flyout to left and the door was open for the Tappies.
Brian Wilmarth started with single, took second on a deep flyball to left, and scored on a single from John Benson. Game over. Good thing for me, too, because I was starting to get hungry.
The positives: As per usual, the book is a little unclear. Plus, I can’t technically read. Looks like we had multi-hit games from George Miller, Steve Lynch, my dad, Marcus Hayes, Dan Rubin, Yaz, and BJ Clark. Marcus had a well-struck triple.
The bad: We’re not turning the lineup over. The heart of the order was only up three times each. Not enough. Also, fewer fly balls, please. Line drives are nicer.
I look forward to many more games in the future with you guys, but I’m not coming back if you don’t start winning. Also, less cursing from George Miller, please. It’s not a brothel.
B.J. CLARK
Another extra inning heart breaking loss to the SPTR. Missing this year was their general whining, obnoxious bench coach and a seemingly innocous but fate-determining tree in right field. Interim Skipper Mark Nevins deftl
y prepared himself for any potential complaining or lobbying from his team by arriving with two very important things: a typed out spreadsheet detailing the lineup and positions to be played (by inning) and a baby. Who is going to give someone shit for batting seventh rather than fifth when they have a baby with them? The baby by the way looks like Mom and behaves much better than Chief. We can all be thankful for that.
The game got off to a rousing start with both teams hitting for power through the first turn of the lineup and producing runs on both sides, punctuated by a Marcus Hayes triple and some out of character small ball by us. If Marcus were Yiddish it would have been a home run (more on that later). One SPTR should not have scored because their ump at third blatantly gave them a call but as has been said before, it should not come down to one call. Both teams tightened up as the game went on. Runners got on base but the defense was tight and neither team was able to blow open an inning. Missing also, was the Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey defensive inning by the P&P that usually puts us in the backseat for the late innings. The defense continued to hold into extra innings. P&P hoped for a rally in the eigth but those hopes were dashed by a steller 6-3 double play by SPTR. SPTR dinked and ducked a couple hits in the bottom half and after Marcus commanded the outfield to move in SPTR slapped another hit to the outfield and that was all she wrote. Marcus yelled something about us not speaking Yiddish. Luckily Passover ended weeks ago, Jesus was a golfer, the outfielders were too far away to hear him and everyone was too drunk to be offended.
Special thanks to Ed Cascarella for offering a new interpretation on a "safe" call and whoever brought the chips.
DAN RUBIN
Now how the hell am I to compete with that, especially when i haven't started writing my column for tomorrow? Oh, that's right. you ball boys were born on deadline. Well, screw the news, here's the sports. We lost, another tough one. Dogs barking, kids baying - none of it caused us to lose focus. The Soft Porn Players played hard until it counted. I'm all for blaming that third base coach. She was dreaming when she made that fatal call. We got an awesome catch from Russ, a mammoth blow from Marcus, and a very clean spreadshee
t from stand-in coach Nevins, who also provided the baby.(Assist to the wife.) Coach Nevins worked everybody into the game or the act, including Fast Eddie C, he of the deke call. (Never before had I seen, at this level, a first-base coach call someone 'safe' by aiming his thumb over his shoulder.) Pitcher Yaz limited the beefalos from the South Philly Tapper to just a couple of moon shots, and never let the meat hook in right center, Elmer, get his whole bat on the ball, thank God. Again the cold beverages and salty snacks took the sting off the loss. May the Lord bless us and keep us healthy.
MARCUS HAYES
Women and Third Base. As alluring a beginning as that might be, it holds only defeat and dejection for the P&P. The Red Sexys had been robbed of a victory in a previous game by a call at third base involving a runner who happened to be a woman – who tagged, left early and scored a run that forced extra innings, wherein the PnPs lost. An appeal of the call disdainfully was rejected.
Against the SPiTteRs, on Tuesday night, it happened again. Sort of.
This time, with runners on first and second, Rapid Russ sped in from shallow leftfield , fielded a single on one hop and fired to third base, where he nipped the runner coming in from second.
At least, he did in this universe.
In the universe in which the third base coach/umpire resides, the runner was safe. Then again, had the umpire/coach actually been paying attention, t
he call might have been correct. Alas, it was not.
Said umpire/coach also happened to be a woman. Sigh.
Lest there be any accusation of misogyny, let it be said that, well, there isn’t.
And lest there be any accusation of sour grapes, well, there’s plenty.
The SPiTteRs won, 8-7, in eight innings -- a tough one to, er, swallow. It went eight innings mainly thanks to excellent PnP outfield defense and outstanding hitting and running by Steve Lynch and George Miller.
Next game Monday at Edgely 4 vs the Zoo, which holds special significance for Lynch, who works there. His co-workers are displeased with his defection to our team.
Let’s make them positively miserable.
JACKSON NEVINS
I’ve been to a total of two softball games in my life, Tuesday’s game against the South Philly Tap Room being my second, so I don’t have a lot of context for this observation, but that game seemed really annoying.
I’m told that this has happened before. Victory, dangling every so temptingly in front of you like those annoying mobiles people keep putting on my crib. It’s right there for you to grab, and yet it eludes you.
My impression: the P&P Softballing Club needs to learn to close it out.
I ask you to consider the words of Alec Baldwin in the terrific Glengarry Glen Ross and remember the ABCs of softball: A - Always, B - Be, C- Closing. Always be closing. Coffee, as they say, is for closers and, right now, friends, this is not a team of closers. No coffee for you. Or for me because it will stunt my growth.
Fortunately, Yuengling and Miller Lite are for the moderately gifted and the actively disengaged, so there’s a silver lining.
You started strong with three runs in the top of the first, but the SPTR came back with four of their own in the bottom half, three of which came off of a tater by that Jeremy fellow. Something about him made me want to fart, so I did and I think it might have been a little wet. Anyway, from there it was a low-scoring affair. A run here and a run there ending up with the P&P down 7-5 heading into the top of the sixth.
Some good hitting from the heart of the lineup in the top of the sixth led to two runs from Good Guys and we had a tie ballgame. Very exciting. You closed out the Bad Guys in the bottom of the inning 1-2-3 and I responded with sounds that I can only assume were correctly interpreted as cheering.
On to extra innings we went.
In the top of the 8th, BJ Clark led off with a single. A promising beginning with Russ at the plate and the top of the order coming up. Sadly, Russ hit a sharp ground ball up the middle that was inexplicably snagged by Al, the oft-injured SPTR SS, which he turned into a 6-3 double play that required a backhanded pick by the SPTR 1B. It made me shit myself. Literally.
Jon Snyder closed the top with a flyout to left and the door was open for the Tappies.
Brian Wilmarth started with single, took second on a deep flyball to left, and scored on a single from John Benson. Game over. Good thing for me, too, because I was starting to get hungry.
The positives: As per usual, the book is a little unclear. Plus, I can’t technically read. Looks like we had multi-hit games from George Miller, Steve Lynch, my dad, Marcus Hayes, Dan Rubin, Yaz, and BJ Clark. Marcus had a well-struck triple.
The bad: We’re not turning the lineup over. The heart of the order was only up three times each. Not enough. Also, fewer fly balls, please. Line drives are nicer.
I look forward to many more games in the future with you guys, but I’m not coming back if you don’t start winning. Also, less cursing from George Miller, please. It’s not a brothel.
B.J. CLARK
Another extra inning heart breaking loss to the SPTR. Missing this year was their general whining, obnoxious bench coach and a seemingly innocous but fate-determining tree in right field. Interim Skipper Mark Nevins deftl
y prepared himself for any potential complaining or lobbying from his team by arriving with two very important things: a typed out spreadsheet detailing the lineup and positions to be played (by inning) and a baby. Who is going to give someone shit for batting seventh rather than fifth when they have a baby with them? The baby by the way looks like Mom and behaves much better than Chief. We can all be thankful for that.The game got off to a rousing start with both teams hitting for power through the first turn of the lineup and producing runs on both sides, punctuated by a Marcus Hayes triple and some out of character small ball by us. If Marcus were Yiddish it would have been a home run (more on that later). One SPTR should not have scored because their ump at third blatantly gave them a call but as has been said before, it should not come down to one call. Both teams tightened up as the game went on. Runners got on base but the defense was tight and neither team was able to blow open an inning. Missing also, was the Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey defensive inning by the P&P that usually puts us in the backseat for the late innings. The defense continued to hold into extra innings. P&P hoped for a rally in the eigth but those hopes were dashed by a steller 6-3 double play by SPTR. SPTR dinked and ducked a couple hits in the bottom half and after Marcus commanded the outfield to move in SPTR slapped another hit to the outfield and that was all she wrote. Marcus yelled something about us not speaking Yiddish. Luckily Passover ended weeks ago, Jesus was a golfer, the outfielders were too far away to hear him and everyone was too drunk to be offended.
Special thanks to Ed Cascarella for offering a new interpretation on a "safe" call and whoever brought the chips.
DAN RUBIN
Now how the hell am I to compete with that, especially when i haven't started writing my column for tomorrow? Oh, that's right. you ball boys were born on deadline. Well, screw the news, here's the sports. We lost, another tough one. Dogs barking, kids baying - none of it caused us to lose focus. The Soft Porn Players played hard until it counted. I'm all for blaming that third base coach. She was dreaming when she made that fatal call. We got an awesome catch from Russ, a mammoth blow from Marcus, and a very clean spreadshee
t from stand-in coach Nevins, who also provided the baby.(Assist to the wife.) Coach Nevins worked everybody into the game or the act, including Fast Eddie C, he of the deke call. (Never before had I seen, at this level, a first-base coach call someone 'safe' by aiming his thumb over his shoulder.) Pitcher Yaz limited the beefalos from the South Philly Tapper to just a couple of moon shots, and never let the meat hook in right center, Elmer, get his whole bat on the ball, thank God. Again the cold beverages and salty snacks took the sting off the loss. May the Lord bless us and keep us healthy.MARCUS HAYES
Women and Third Base. As alluring a beginning as that might be, it holds only defeat and dejection for the P&P. The Red Sexys had been robbed of a victory in a previous game by a call at third base involving a runner who happened to be a woman – who tagged, left early and scored a run that forced extra innings, wherein the PnPs lost. An appeal of the call disdainfully was rejected.
Against the SPiTteRs, on Tuesday night, it happened again. Sort of.
This time, with runners on first and second, Rapid Russ sped in from shallow leftfield , fielded a single on one hop and fired to third base, where he nipped the runner coming in from second.
At least, he did in this universe.
In the universe in which the third base coach/umpire resides, the runner was safe. Then again, had the umpire/coach actually been paying attention, t
he call might have been correct. Alas, it was not.Said umpire/coach also happened to be a woman. Sigh.
Lest there be any accusation of misogyny, let it be said that, well, there isn’t.
And lest there be any accusation of sour grapes, well, there’s plenty.
The SPiTteRs won, 8-7, in eight innings -- a tough one to, er, swallow. It went eight innings mainly thanks to excellent PnP outfield defense and outstanding hitting and running by Steve Lynch and George Miller.
Next game Monday at Edgely 4 vs the Zoo, which holds special significance for Lynch, who works there. His co-workers are displeased with his defection to our team.
Let’s make them positively miserable.
GEORGE MILLER
Before the game started, Yaz looked off in the distance and, with a wisdom unexpected from him, he gravely announced, "Tonight's game will be close, and we'll come from behind, and then lose in the last minute."
Then, he returned to his normal demeanor. He made a goofy laugh and said, "Nah. I don't think that's really going to happen."
But it did.
We gave
up a few runs early, though SPTR probably could have scored way more. The game remained surprisingly close as the Red Sexys played unexpected solid defense. In the extra frame, with the game tied and an SPTR runner at second, Marcus Hayes pulled the outfield in.
"A single scores this run, so play up," he bellowed.
The outfielders scoffed and took a step or two forward, but they didn't get in far enough to catch the loopy single the very next batter hit. The runner scored. SPTR eked out a victory.
Several players complained about a bad call at third base - a runner who was clearly out but called safe. But I think the game should be under protest until the SPTR right center outfielder undergoes a drug test. I kept hearing him saying, "I pick things up and put them down."
Then, he returned to his normal demeanor. He made a goofy laugh and said, "Nah. I don't think that's really going to happen."
But it did.
We gave
up a few runs early, though SPTR probably could have scored way more. The game remained surprisingly close as the Red Sexys played unexpected solid defense. In the extra frame, with the game tied and an SPTR runner at second, Marcus Hayes pulled the outfield in."A single scores this run, so play up," he bellowed.
The outfielders scoffed and took a step or two forward, but they didn't get in far enough to catch the loopy single the very next batter hit. The runner scored. SPTR eked out a victory.
Several players complained about a bad call at third base - a runner who was clearly out but called safe. But I think the game should be under protest until the SPTR right center outfielder undergoes a drug test. I kept hearing him saying, "I pick things up and put them down."
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