
Last week, if you recall, or if you merely scroll down a post, we discussed “five sneaker” teams and “five jeans” teams, and the enduring truth that there are certain things that separate winners from losers in this maddening game we like to call softball.
Now, thanks to our own Dan Rubin, the cultured connoisseur and columnist, we have a new addition to the lexicon. We, and by “we,” of course, I mean the rest of you, are apparently a “Pellegrino” team.
Bringing a knife to a gun fight is nothing compared to bringing a case of Pellegrino to a softball game, but that is just how we roll. What’s next? Brie Cheese Puffs, staining our fingers the color of clotted cream? I mean the fucking gluten-free pretzels are one thing, but Pellegrino?
Ah well, we survived on Tuesday, but just barely, finishing off a two-day doubleheader of a week with some yin against the Please Touch Museum to go with the unsatisfying yang of Monday’s result against the South Philly Tap Room. (You think a Tap Room team would bring Pellegrino? They drink beer and piss nails.)
Let’s get to it, starting with Monday and the nailpissers at lovely Edgeley 8. As students of this season know well, we went extra innings with the Tap Room in our first meeting this year and lost by a single run, keeping Mark Nevins’ managing record at 0-for-life.
Well, we did it again, losing 14-11 in eight innings, a game that was just painful in so many ways, even if you weren’t Brian Donlen.
The Tap scored six runs in the first inning and we were clawing back all evening long after that, finally catching up and taking an 8-7 lead in the bottom of the sixth. Careful mathematicians will note that SPTR scored just one run in the second through sixth, which is very good defense for us and limpid offense for them. We caught the ball, we threw the ball. They mostly popped out.
Now just three more outs like that and we win, but they hunkered down and scored four times in the top of the seventh to take an 11-8 lead. Top of the lineup, boom, boom, boom, etcetera. It would have been much worse, but Chris Brennan made the play of his life to end the rally.
Man on first, Brennan playing first and left-handed Joe Kenney rips a seed down the line. Brennan backhands the ball around his knees (first incredible thing), then realizes he might be able to double off the startled runner (the realization being the second incredible thing). So, he dives headlong at the base, actually reaches it and slaps his glove on the base a moment before the runner gets back. He looked like a Secret Service man throwing himself on a hand grenade, but it was effective.
In the bottom of the inning, we also had leadoff set up and Russ Krause, George Miller and Marcus Hayes got us back in the game. Single, single, three-run donk into left-center, aided somewhat by Al Heinle’s uncharacteristic throwing error. Like we wouldn’t take it.
So no outs and we need one more run to win it. We get the winning run to third base with two outs, courtesy of a key knock from Kerry O’Connor, but, alas, Brennan – perhaps chuffed from his previous labors – just missed on his base hit attempt into left. A quarter-inch higher on the ball and it’s a line drive over short. A quarter-inch lower and it’s a bomb over the left fielder. Instead, it was a hard-hit drive into the Joe Kenney’s glove. Funny game, sometimes.
It got a lot less philosophical in the eighth. Tap scored three more times and we didn’t do dick in the bottom of the inning and, well, line up, good game, good game, good game, good game, good game, good game, go fuck yourself.
Bright spots? Donlen did not, in fact, break his ankle getting doubled off third in the second inning. Sheila Ballen did not get molested at second base again, and played sparkling defense. We had 27 hits, which is a lot. But it also means, counting that one double play, that we left 15 runners on base. Tsk, tsk.
Four hits each for Krause and Miller. Three hits for Donlen, R

Now, Tuesday. Here are the previous scores this season for the Please Touch Museum: 32-6, 26-8, 28-2, 17-6, 20-8, 21-11, 19-12, 14-3. All losses. 0-8. Average score: 22-7. That 26-8 result in there. That was us.
“This is the 2011 Respectability Tour,” former manager Frank Luzi told me. “We’re just looking for a respectable score.”
Well, hello, folks. Come meet the Pen & Pencil. Is 7-4 respectable enough? Because that was the score of our win on Tuesday. We scored five runs in the first and then two the entire rest of the game, which was over in, like, 45 minutes.
It wasn’t a fluke. They scored three of their runs in one inning on a series of sharp hits and we nodded off and dreamed of iced Pellegrino and free range pork rinds. We left seven runners in scoring position and, hey, it was still better than Monday.
The game ended with two runners on base for them and the real possibility that we could drop a turd in the punch bowl. Instead, Julie Dugan went hard to the backhand for a grounder up the middle, stepped authoritatively on second base and ended things. Hayes, who was scoring on the bench (and also keeping the book), circled the play and drew hearts around it. Of course, he did.
Line up, good game, good game, good game, good game, good God, someone get me some Pellegrino. I’ll drink it from my cup.
Three hits each for Stick Lynch and O’Connor. Two each for Miller, Nevins, Brennan (Jesus, what a week!) and the Management. Ron Goldwyn, who played stellar first base, got robbed on a line drive in the first. Jon Snyder had a sac fly and was also robbed on a liner. Miller batted left-handed and hit an 18-inch single. I guess once you’ve written that sentence it’s time for the boffo finish.
Interesting couple of games. A little too interesting some might say. Next time someone asks if you prefer Tap or Pellegrino, take the bubbly. We’ve seen enough of Tap for this season.

"How in the name of God did I ever get mixed up with these clowns? I'm going to kill B.J."
No comments:
Post a Comment